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Every new couple experiences good ‘firsts’ and bad ‘firsts’ in a budding relationship. My girlfriend and I have experienced saying the “L” word to each other for the first time and shared sex facts and our sexual histories with one another (well, she read mine on here) that actually made us laugh for the first time rather than wanting to curl up in a little ball and die.
However, when you are in an interracial relationship, you will experience the inevitable “first” that will always shock and disappoint you no matter how prepared you are for it—racist assh*les.
Although I live in one of the most multicultural cities in the world, it’s a shame that I have to deal with racism on an occasional basis. I’m white and my girlfriend is biracial and besides the goofy nicknames like ‘Robin Thicke and Paula Patton’ or ‘Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens’ we get from our pals, we have generally avoided any direct attacks of ignorance.
Unfortunately, we weren’t this lucky this weekend.
On Friday, my father, “Papa C” came down to Toronto to visit and to meet Sabrina for the first time. It was the perfect time for him to come up because I had such bad writer’s block for future Personal Facts blogs and I needed a good distraction. (Especially if it could better my relationship.) As soon as he met her, he took out a bottle of his finest scotch and three cigars and we celebrated the fact that I ended up with a smart, scotch-drinking, cigar-smoking and beautiful girl that looked like Vanity circa 1982.
No joke.
It was starting out to be a great night. My father was getting along with my girlfriend. My girlfriend was happy that she was meeting my father and it was an amazing and peaceful feeling…that was until I suggested to go to my fave spot, Joe Mama’s so I could take Papa C and Sabrina out for a night of great Cajun dishes and live soul music.
While enjoying the live neo-soul playing on stage, I had excused myself to go to the bar to get my father and my girlfriend some much needed drinks.
While ordering my drinks, I had a blonde girl come up to me. I had seen this girl eye-balling me from across the room since the moment I walked in. However, I forgot about her after watching all the guys eye-balling Sabrina and watching them shake their heads when they saw a white guy like me was her date. So I had forgotten about the blonde–until now.
“How are you surviving?” she asked with a flirty smile.
I glanced her once in my peripheral vision and looked ahead at the bartender making my drinks. She was obviously trying to break the ice by insulting one of my favorite spots in the city. Already, I should have known.
“Surviving? I’m living it up.” I said as I grabbed my drinks.
“Really? I so rather be at Lee’s Palace right now.”
Lee’s Palace is a rock and punk bar in the Annex area of Toronto. This girl was obviously trying to find something we could relate to–wasn’t going to happen.
“I wouldn’t be caught dead in Lee’s Palace.” I retorted.
“Oh, you actually LIKE this music? I’m only here because one of my girlfriends swears by this place. No cute guys here whatsoever, well except for you of course.” she said as she gave me drunken bedroom eyes.
I scanned the room and at that time, I was the only white guy in sight. Figures.
“So what are you drinking, handsome?”
“Teddy Pendergrass.”
“Oh, I’ve never heard of that.” she replied.
“That’s a shocker.” I muttered under my breath.
“So are you here with your friend and her father , I presume?” she said pointing at the table I was sitting at trying hard not to stifle a laugh.
“Actually I’m here with my GIRLFRIEND and my FATHER.” I angrily replied.
“Oh! Really? But he’s black.”
“Gee, I hadn’t noticed that.” I replied.
“So, he’s your mother’s boyfriend or something?” she asked.
“He’s been my father since I was a baby.” I could feel my face turning red with anger.
“Wow. That’s impressive. A black guy actually committing to raising a white child. I guess that’s why you’re with that girl. Are you trying to impress your daddy?” she laughed.
At that point, I could only say what I was thinking in the nicest way possible.
“I’m sorry, but what the f*ck is your problem?” I said as I turned to face her.
The sick thing was I could see she was getting turned on. This racist exchange was her sick version of foreplay.
“Nothing is my problem.” she said this as she ran her fingers along my arm. ” I just think it’s tragic, that’s all. Such a great looking guy like you being turned off by someone you could truly be compatible with. I’m just a firm believer that if a person was meant to mate with someone of another race, they would have been born that other race, why do you think there are two sexes per race ?”
If there was ever an appropriate time to smack a woman across the face–this would have been it. However, I am a gentleman, so I smacked her with my words.
“You think I would be more compatible with YOU? You come up to me wearing your Lulu Lemon sweats in a classy bar and have the audacity to think that we could make a connection by suggesting I would rather be at a punk and rock bar because I’m white? Then you insult my family and my girlfriend, who is ten times the woman you’ll ever be by the way and expect me to go home with you? Have another drink, “Penny Lane” and get the f*ck out of my face.”
Before I could turn around, there was Sabrina holding one of the “Teddy Pendergrass-inspired cocktails” in her hand and she threw it the racist blonde’s face.
Now that’s what I call a LOVE TKO.
We of course were kicked out and Sabrina and I never felt worse. While we were walking to the nearest cab, my father burst out laughing. With his infectious laughter, it had effectively broken the tension and then we all started laughing.
“You remind me of my wife, Sabrina. Keep this one, boy. She’s a keeper.”
With just those words, my father reminded us how lucky we are even if we have to deal with racist jerks from time to time.
The truth is that we live in a world that is THOUGHT to be free of racism, however the only thing that has truly changed is that people have learned to condition and hide their unjustified hate towards others.
When it comes to love–there is no right or wrong–black or white–it just IS. There are always going to be people that are against your relationship–even if you’re not in an interracial one. The important thing is to stay strong and remind yourself why you’re together in the first place and that YOU are the only one who lives your life. Be with whomever makes you the happiest and you will succeed where other ignorant degenerates fail.
Originally appeared at Personals Facts.
—Photo www.charlesthompsonphotography.com/Flickr